Living in the COVID World ... and Beyond #54: Revenge?

As a young person growing up, when another child said something mean to me, my response was to say something mean back at them.   I saw this happen many times, and I participated in this kind of behavior far more times than I can recall.   When I experienced someone acting in a hurtful towards me, I wanted to hurt them back.   The theory was: “Don’t get mad, get even.”    The whole point was to get back at them, to make them know that they could not do this to me without facing retaliation.

When I look back on this behavior, I think I was trying to stand up for myself – to not just be a victim of others’ behavior but rather to adopt a position where I was projecting strength as well.   But the problem with all of this, as I reflect on it as an adult now, is that it was an emotional, reflexive and non-thinking action.   I do not want to have a reflexive, non-thinking desire for revenge guide my actions.   Rather, I want to be able to explore a wide array of possible responses and choose and decide based on my best thinking in each new unique situation.   Maybe sometimes it will be best to just ask others to stop doing that.  Maybe other times, it will make sense to be firm and forceful in stating that the other’s behavior is not acceptable.   The list of possible responses is quite varied, and the key is to stop and actually think about what response will be most effective in the particular situation.

Why am I exploring this topic of revenge now?

As I observe events in the world today, I am concerned that whole countries and movements are caught up in this same dynamic that I experienced as a child.   Someone does something mean, and revenge becomes the primary motivator without thinking through its effectiveness or the consequences.   When I did it as a child, at worst it led to some name-calling and pushing and shoving.   When countries adopt policies driven by revenge, many people get injured and die.     

How can we decide to not act based on getting even and instead choose to think about effective strategies to move situations constructively forward?